Film At Eleven

Film At Eleven

<p><p> The day was pleasant with scattered clouds and alight breeze. It was an ideal spring day for a bike ride and some tourism. Henry Ronin had a bottle of white wine in his backpack along with his camera and was planning for a very pleasant day.

<p><p> As he approached the Natural History Museum, Henry carefully signaled his turns well ahead of time; there were a lot of DC cops out getting their ticket quota. He parked his bike at a bike stand outside the Museum and carefully locked it with his chain.

<p><p> As Henry went inside, he saw some joker with about fifty pounds of stereo crushing one shoulder. The radio was saying something about the "Soviets were upset at the latest U.S. provocation and the U.S. was decrying the Soviet deployment of missile subs within 2300 miles of the U.S. coast." Henry's only reaction was to think "at least the news is consistent."

<p><p> The inside of the Museum was fairly empty. Henry walked around the "Stuffed elephant" in admiration. Then, he went to the insect exhibit. A tour guide was talking about the "common cockroach".

<p><p> "The common cockroach has the highest resistance to radiation of any creatures we'd tested. In the event of a nuclear war, the cockroach would outlive us all! In fact, after a nuclear war, descendants of cockroaches would take ecological niches much the same way mammals did from the dinosaurs."

<p><p> If what you say happens, then future 'humans" could be forms of cockroaches?"

<p><p> Yes, sir, they could."

<p><p> "Wonderful", Henry thought, "some future cockroach can dig us up and put reconstructed human skeletons in Museums for other bugs to look at. Maybe they'll do a better job of running things than us?"

<p><p> Henry wondered over to the section dealing with minerals and sat down to rest. On the bench was a paper whose front page read: "SOVIETS PROVOKING U.S. RESPONSE." Henry read the article with intense concentration. A tired looking man on the bench near Henry commented:

<p><p> "Sounds read horrible, don't it/ Them Russians are putting missiles near our coast. Sounds like Cuba again, don't it?"

<p><p> "Not really", Henry said in a musing tone, "They have been putting missile boats near our coast for ten, fifteen years now. Sounds more like a 'relief on station'."

<p><p> "A what?"

<p><p> "One missile boat goes home when it's relief arrives. That way, They have the same number of missile boats there all the time. There was an interesting article in Time about two months ago."

<p><p> Henry was a GS-13 who worked at the Naval Intelligence Command and had talked to a few of "the guys" about this. They figured the Soviets were just taking their time about the boat relief. But, Henry wasn't going to tell this civilian that. Besides, Time made the perfect reference source.

<p><p> "Well, I hope you're right. Think I'll go get me a beer. See you around."

<p><p> Henry never did see the article about the Soviets sending their unnecessary personnel and dependents home. He didn't bother reading about the two day old Israeli/Egyptian vs Syria war; he'd heard all he wanted to from Dan Rather the night before. He put down the newspaper and left for his favourite section, the carved Jades.

<p><p> Henry carefully pulled out a clean handkerchief and wiped off the glass in front of the display of carved Jade bowls. Then, he sat in front of them and stared with lust in his heart. To him, They wee the Museum! If he could have taken them, he would have. But, that would deprive other patrons of the pleasure of studying them. Behind him, a tall guard smiled with approval.

<p><p> "YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE! THE MUSEUM MUST CLOSE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES! AN ULTIMATUM HAS JUST BEEN RECEIVED BY THE GOVERNMENT. WASHINGTON D.C. WILL BE DESTROYED BY A NUCLEAR WEAPON IN FOUR HOURS. NO ONE HAS CLAIMED CREDIT FOR PLANTING THIS WEAPON. PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND GO TO THE BOMB SHELTERS LOCATED IN THE BASEMENT OF THIS BUILDING."

<p><p> Henry stood up and turned around in shock. It was eleven AM and that meant he had till PM t get out of D.C. He heard the tall guard talking to a patron.

<p><p> "It won't do much good to go to the bomb shelter but if you want to, the guards are putting up signs."

<p><p> The woman had a stroller with two babies in it. She looked like she was trying hard to wake up from a nightmare.

<p><p> There was only one thing for Henry to do. He pulled his bottle of wine out and held it in front of the woman.

<p><p> "Take a swig. You'll feel better!"

<p><p> "I doubt it,"she said. She drank about a third of the bottle before gasping for breath.

<p><p> "I think I'll try getting home, now. Do you think the Metro will be very crowded?"

<p><p> "Where do you live?"

<p><p> "Northern Virginia. I left my car at the Pentagon parking lot."

<p><p> "Better hurry, metro'll be crowded."

<p><p> As the woman left with her kids, Henry thought that the Metro would be impossibly crowded. If she did get to her car, she'd probably be a ground zero. But, he didn't tell her that.

<p><p> He heard someone snarl "fuck it" and this was followed by the sound of breaking glass and alarm going off. Henry walked back into the gem room and saw the tall guard pulling the Hope Diamond out of it's niche. The man looked at Henry and said: "I've been guarding this thing for years. Someone has got to keep it safe."

<p><p> With that, the tall guard walked off and "saved" several other gems.

<p><p> Henry took a long swig of his wine and thought about what the tall guard had done. Then, he went back to the Jade Room and kicked through the glass windows by the Jade bowls. He carefully removed them and gently dusted the glass from inside them.

<p><p> "You're a f**king looter!"

<p><p> It was the tall guard who had been collecting gems.

<p><p> "No way!" Henry replied. "I'm trying to save these for the future."

<p><p> "That's what I thought. But, just doing my duty. Now, we got to get out of the city to protect our treasures"

<p><p> Henry was feeling depressed and gave the tall guard a hit off his wine bottle. The tall guard pulled a flask of Ol' Granddat out and they both tried it out. Then, the tall guard walked away. Henry never saw the man again.

<p><p> Henry walked out of the almost deserted building and carefully avoided the people who were "salvaging" various exhibits. Although alarms were ringing continually, no police or security arrived to investigate them.

<p><p> The street in front of the Natural History Museum was jammed with people and cars. He saw two fights and saw one man pulled bodily from his car. The attacker hopped into the car and was able to go all of two feet before being forced to a halt. The "former owner" reached into the car and started stabbing it's driver with a ball point pen. Henry shook his head in dismay and went to get his bicycle.

<p><p> He ignored the phone booths which had a herd of people around them. He retrieved his bike and went around to the back of the Natural History museum which faced onto the Capital Mall. There, he hoped to find a phone. His wife was visiting her folks in Sleepy Eye, Minnesota and had taken their dog. Now, he just had to get out of the city.

<p><p> Henry stopped by a deserted beer booth and helped himself to a cold Budweiser. For once, he had a regular and not a Lite. He left enough change to cover the cost of his beer and two bags of popcorn.

<p><p> There was an abandoned souvenir stand nearby. Henry helped himself to a couple of tee shirts and used them to pad the Jade Bowls in his knapsack. He thought about paying and left a cheque for the tee shirts., he turned on a portable radio in the stand.

<p><p> "...the Soviets are denying planting the nuclear device in Washington D.C. and claim that this is 'an imperialist plot to discredit the peace loving people of the Soviet Union.' They further state that 'in any event, such an action would be tantamount to a declaration of war. No one could win such a war.' A Department of Defense representative stated that this bomb threat may be in response to the current middle east crisis." There was a long pause. "This will be our last news broadcast. This station will be carrying the Federal Emergency Management Agency, or FEMA. broadcast live. Good bless and God be with us all."

<p><p> There was the "white noise" of an open microphone and faintly Henry could hear the D.J. say: "Tell Walt to hold his helo for me. I'm coming as fast as I can!" Henry knew that "Walt" was the traffic reporter and flew a large helicopter.

<p><p> Then, a voice came on announcing "This is the FEMA broadcast. Remain calm and leave the city in an orderly fashion. Local, state and federal authorities are arranging for an orderly evacuation of the city."

<p><p> It was 11:25 AM and Henry decided the Mall was empty enough to try riding down. He headed for the Lincoln Memorial with the radio slung over his shoulder. He had forgotten to leave his name or any money in payment for the radio.

<p><p> The roads leading away from the Lincoln Memorial were parking lots. There were people oozing between cars and people moving in close formation down the sides of the roads. Clearly, this wasn't the place for him to go.

<p><p> Besides, he realized that every road going out of town would be clogged. There would be fools in Northern Virginia who just had to go to Baltimore instead of going south. There would be idiots in Georgetown who would figure safely was in Georgetown would try for there instead of Ohio. Henry turned on the radio and the FEMA man confirmed this. The man sounded rather calm. Henry decided he would be calm if he knew he cold leave D.C. at 10 miles per minute and go to Ohio or any other safe haven.

<p><p> Henry decided to try Pennsylvania Avenue. The road was an absolute zoo with traffic totally snarled up. Henry got off his bicycle and began pushing it.

<p><p> About 1:30 PM, he was some six miles from the Natural History Museum when some wild-eyed gent pushed up to Henry.

<p><p> "Give me the fuckin' bike, man!"

<p><p> "Hey, sure, take it."

<p><p> Maybe it was kindness and altruism that made Henry give away his bike. Maybe it was the hunting knife the wild-eyed gent had stuck under Henry's Adam's Apple.

<p><p> As he watched his bike being ridden slowly off, Henry shrugged the knapsack off one shoulder and pulled out his wind bottle. It was still half full. He took a swig and offered it to a young man who had been eyeing the bottle. The young man took a swig and pulled out a hand rolled reefer. He lit it, took a hit and offered it to Henry.

<p><p> Henry hesitated for a second and then took a hit. Smoking grass could cost Henry his security clearance and wold get him fired. Somehow, that just didn't seem too important.

<p><p> They smoked and finished off the bottle. Henry spotted an unoccupied phone booth and ran for it; his former companion nodded and keep walking.

<p><p> Henry punched the phone number for his in-laws. He got cutoff before the phone could ring. He tried calling again and once again just got a dial tone after dialing. In frustration, he tried calling the operator. The number was busy.

<p><p> There was a "special long distance" operator. Henry tried calling that number and got a recording "All of our long distance lines leaving the Washington D.C. area have been preempted. We advise that you try calling back. This is recording 547. All of our..." Henry hung up. SO much for one last call to his wife and in-laws. If he survived this, he wold never let his wife go on vacation without him. To Texas (which is where he thought Hell was located) with the boss saying They were shorthanded at work and couldn't spare him!"

<p><p> "Well," he thought, "the only thing to do is survive. The only way to survive is to try another way of leaving the city."

<p><p> Henry turned off down a side road by a parking lot. Painted on a wall of the lot was "Malcolm X Park". He figured on going up one block and then Pennsylvania Avenue.

<p><p> As he passed an NS&T bank, he saw a group of about ten local residents "making an informal cash withdrawal." He decided that They were taking NS&T bank up on their ad slogan of being the "NS&T or NEST of Washington D.C.: and were lining their own "nests".

<p><p> A gent in a D.C. Police uniform sauntered over.

<p><p> "What you doing here, man? You don't belong in this neighborhood.."

<p><p> "Well, officer, I'm just trying to get around the traffic jam on Pennsylvania Avenue."

<p><p> Henry was beginning to sweat. Being nuked was too abstract a fear to really bother him; he was numb to that fear. He was being surrounded by some angry looking people with weapons. He could see what looked like a dead man near the bank. The prospect of being beaten to death worried him. In every novel he'd read, the hero either used some Karate and/or keen wits to save his own ass. Henry had dropped out of Karate fifteen years before and knew he froze up when having to talk in front of a "strange audience". Book nerds didn't seem to have this problem. He damned himself for having left Pennsylvania Avenue.

<p><p> "You wanta be like him?" The cop pointed at the corpse.

<p><p> "Uh, no, sir, really don't!" Henry was amazed how much he was starting to sweat.

<p><p> "Good. He f**king killed hisself. No ball, I guess."

<p><p> What's in the sack, white boy?"

<p><p> "Tee shirts and some old bowls I found."

<p><p> "Let me see."

<p><p> The cop barely glanced at Henry's's campe4ra and ignored his radio. Then, he pulled out the bowls and looked at them. Henry was amazed at how gentle he was with them.

<p><p> "My grandmother had stuff like this. Never would let my brothers or me touch it. Amazing what the Chinks can do with plastic, ain't it?"

<p><p> "Sure is!"

<p><p> "Sole it, didn't you."

<p><p> Sure did." Henry heard himself telling the truth too late to stop himself. He figured that was one habit that could get him in trouble."

<p><p> "Well, it needs to be padded."

<p><p> The cop stood up and grabbed Henry's upper arm and towed him over to a pile of money. There, the cop grabbed handfuls of cash and packed them around the bowls. He handed the knapsack back to Henry.

<p><p> "You know what you really got in there?"

<p><p> The cop's tone of voice demanded an honest answer.

<p><p> "Yes, Jade."

<p><p> "Damn right! Second floor, Natural History Museum, right?"

<p><p> Henry just nodded.

<p><p> "My grandmother used to take me there all the time...You don't recognize any of us, understand!"

<p><p> "Never saw any of you before in my life!"

<p><p> As he left, Henry heard someone comment: "That white boy ain't so dumb."

<p><p> Then, he saw the gang hop into the police squad car and van and head out of town on roads parallel to Pennsylvania Avenue.

<p><p> By the time Henry made it to Pennsylvania Avenue, it was 2 PM. He turned on the radio and heard:"...now report that the D.C. bomb is estimated to be between 4 and 10 megatonnes. This cold cause total destruction as far as Suitland to the southeast and...' Henry shut the radio off.

<p><p> Henry figured he was well within the radius of total destruction. He figured he'd take his dad's advise: "It's just as important to die well as it is to live well!" Henry figured he'd die well.

<p><p> There was a liquor store nearly. Henry went the4re and got several bottle of Dom Pernion champaign and some caviar. He put two bricks together then placed the saucepan on this "stove" and carefully placed cash under the saucepan. It was to be the fuel for his stove. He put the caviar in the saucepan and lit the money. While his caviar was heating, he counted the cash in his knapsack. He was carrying $54,000. He figured he was burning $3,000 to heat his caviar.

<p><p> Henry was sure his father would call this "going in style". He popped the cork off on one of the bottles of Dom Pernion and drank from the bottle. It was 3:45 PM by the time he finished his last meal".

<p><p> An older, black couple had seen him drinking and brought up lawn chairs for the three of them.

<p><p> "Good afternoon, I'm Henry Ronin. This here Dom pair-e-own and is supposed to be the best in the world. Let me pour you some.?

<p><p> Henry poured the Dom Perrion into three plastic glasses as if They were the finest Champaign glasses. His "guests", a man and woman in their early forties, accepted the glasses with good humour and with the respect that $300 Champaign deserved.

<p><p> "Im Andy Mordecai and this is my wife Enid. Why are you sitting here?"

<p><p> "We're within the zone of total destruction and there's no point in running 'cause we'd never escape in time."

<p><p> "We know," Enid replied.

<p><p> Henry figured "what the hell" and used his camera timer to take their pictures.

<p><p> At 2:58 PM, Andy raised his glass for a toast: "Life has been good to us. A toast to life!"

<p><p> They drank the toast.

<p><p> "To the decent people in the world. There's damn few of us!"

<p><p> They drank to Enid's toast<p><p>

<p><p> "My daddy used to say it's important to live swell and to die well. I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend my last minutes with!"

<p><p> They drank to Henry's maudlin toast, then refilled and kept drinking.

<p><p> Someone noticed that it was 3:15 PM and They weren't dead.

<p><p> Henry turned on his radio, which was tuned to a local TV station: "...report that the bomb didn't go off. Our news sources aren't saying for sure why the Nation's Capitol was spared. There are unconfirmed rumors that the Soviets assisted American agencies in defusing this situation. Anyway, the threat is now over. National Guard units are entering the city to control looters... ("You'd better stay with us, Henry, you'll never make it home tonight."

<p><p> Henry nodded in agreement.) ...and are authorized to shoot to kill! We will report details as They become available. However, due to the fact that our newsroom had to shut down and technical difficulties, we will have a comprehensive report with..

<p><p> Then the three of them spoke the traditional words along with the news announcer:

"File At Eleven!"